Wedding Finance Etiquette
When planning a wedding, it is delightful to shop for the perfect wedding gown, design centerpieces with your florist, and peruse the pages of engraved invitations. It is not so delightful trying to figure out who will be paying for all those gorgeous things! This is everything you need to know about wedding finance etiquette, both traditional and modern.
Not so long ago, when a young woman became engaged, it was a given that her father would be footing the bill for the bulk of her wedding expenses. There were a few areas in which the father of the bride could hope to receive a reprieve: the bridal bouquet (a gift from the groom), the honeymoon (also the groom’s responsibility), the wedding bands (paid for by the bride and groom), and the rehearsal dinner, which was usually hosted by the groom’s parents. Other than that, from soup to nuts, Daddy was the one writing the checks.
In some families, this traditional arrangement is still followed for paying for the wedding expenses. Lucky bride! This wonderful gift from the bride’s family carries with it certain etiquette which the bride is expected to follow, however. She should graciously accept the wedding celebration that her parents can afford, rather than trying to push them to the brink of bankruptcy in her quest for the “perfect” wedding. In addition, a bride should realize that accepting tens of thousands of dollars from her parents for the wedding means allowing them a say in how the event looks and feels. If you want total control, pay for the wedding yourself; otherwise, be prepared to do some things your mother’s way.
The customary arrangement of splitting wedding costs has become far less practical in today’s families. The expenses tend to be spread around more evenly, which is a great relief for the poor father of the bride! Part of this has to do with how expensive weddings have become; it is often beyond the financial means of one family to pay for everything on their own. In addition, many couples are waiting until they are much older to get married. When the bride and groom are established in their careers, it is reasonable that they should share in the costs of the ceremony and reception.
As there are fewer cut and dried guidelines for this contemporary approach to wedding planning, it is more likely that strife and resentments can arise. Etiquette says that contributions should be made according to means and frankly, desire, and not necessarily in that order. In this day and age, a bride and groom who want a lavish wedding should plan to come up with a large part of the funding themselves, or they should gracefully accept the money that is being offered and plan the loveliest wedding they can within that budget. It is decidedly ungracious to play one family against the other in the hopes to get each one to spend more!
Finally, please remember that the people who pay less of the wedding costs should never be made to feel as though they get no say in the planning. Even if the groom’s parents only offer a small sum, they should still be kept in the loop and their opinions respected. As to the question of how to indicate the wedding invitation wording to indicate who shelled out the most cash, etiquette has a very simple answer: please don’t!
123 Etiquette Featured Author: Bridget was formerly a manager of an elegant Bridal shop. Since 2008 she has spent much of her time writing about weddings, jewelry, fashion and etiquette for Silverland Jewelry specializes in bridesmaid jewelry and wedding jewelry for the entire wedding party.
